Thursday, November 30, 2006

energized to emotional

It's 2:30am and I feel totally energized. I think it might be from the exercise I got today walking home from work (Go ahead and laugh, but I'm not exactly an athlete). Not only did I get home from work and NOT have a nap, but I also made myself dinner! Normally, when Jarod is not home, I make simple things for dinner. Cereal, toast, Mr.noodles, etc. Today, I made wild rice and cauliflower with cheese sauce! Yes, the rice was a bit mushy and the cheese sauce came in a packet that also had a bag to steam the cauliflower, but the point is that I made myself a decent dinner! I'm so proud of myself.

After eating my dinner and a few chocolates (you guess which I ate first), I settled down on the sofa with Gizmo to watch some TV and work on a special project. At about 2:15am the fire alarm for our building went off. We even have two speakers in our condo that blare the alarm to make sure you get up. I put on my jacket and boots and took Gizmo outside. I was the only person out there! I went back in to the lobby and eventually more people came down until there was a total of 14 of us. What if the building was really burning down? Gizmo was bothered by the noise so we went outside again, and then he would get cold so we would go back inside. Eventually the firemen (I'm aloud to say that because they actually all were men) came and discovered it was a false alarm. Somebody had been SMOKING in the stairwell and it set off the alarm! How silly is that!? I mentioned to Jarod the other day that the stairwell stunk like smoke. Anyways, now we're back inside safe and warm.

Back to feeling energized. When I get like this (non-lazy) I also feel creative. It is such an amazing feeling. Jarod has been pushing me lately to clean more and do more art. As angry as I get when he tells me to clean, I know he is doing it because he loves me and knows I need encouragement or I would sleep all day. He really wants me to start working on my portfolio. It's so great to have a boyfriend who cares about me.

We leave to fly out to Toronto in a week. I am so excited to celebrate an early Christmas with my family. I miss my parents so much. It's hard growing up and not having the usual customs of the holidays. Sometimes I wish I was little again and my brother would run into my room early on Christmas morning and wake me up, then the three of us would go get our stockings and sort through them until my parents got up. One of us would be the elf and pass out the presents. I remember one year I got a print of a Van Gogh self portrait. It's actually hanging in my living room right now. In 2000 my mom had the diamonds of one of her rings turned into necklaces for my sister and me. I hope I can pass it on to my daughter one day. One year my sister bought me a big tin full of different types of popcorn. Our neighbor told me what I would be getting, so I added "popcorn" to my Christmas wish list. My sister obviously knew that the secret was out, but I denied it and pretended I had no idea. One year I wrote a big letter for Santa with cross words and games for him to play. I left it for him on Christmas Eve, but didn't get it back the next day. I mentioned to my mom that I never got it back a while later, and it eventually showed up, entirely filled out in my dad's handwriting.

Now I'm getting teary eyed. It's so hard to think back to my childhood Christmas' and know that I will never have anymore. This is the first Christmas that we wont be able to celebrate at my childhood home. It is keeping a new family warm now. We all live far apart and have new people in our lives who we also have to make time for. I guess what's important now is to make new traditions together.

Wow. That took a lot out of me. It's so nice to remember the good times. Needless to say, I can't wait to have my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister and me all together again. Of course Jarod will be there too, but he's really a part of me :)

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