Thursday, October 26, 2006

Sitting in my sweats

So it's great to be home... sort of. It's awesome to be able to sleep in my own bed and to see Jarod and Gizmo. It's not so awesome to realize that I have no job and am running out of money.

I know I said that I would move on about getting fired, and everyone tells me to forget about it, but I honestly can't. I play it over in my head constantly, trying to figure out what I did wrong. It is so frustrating to not have a reason.

I have a book on my desk right now, it's a memoir about Audrey Hepburn, written by her son. Their is a picture of her on the front and she is looking right at me. In a way it feels like some sort of sign or something. Or, possibly I'm losing it.

The past two days have not been that great. It's raining in Vancouver, and it is making me sad. I wear sweats all day and look horrible.

When I think about how long I have been in this creative block, I realize it has been over a year. Sure, once in a while I do a layout or something, and when I was in school I did my projects, but I never really get super creative and make something amazing. It is destroying my soul. I tried yesterday. I decided that I need to make some art and try to sell it on Etsy. So I painted gesso on some small canvases and frames. And then I got stuck staring at the blankness and didn't know what else to do to them. So I watched TV and read for the rest of the day. This morning I woke up and watched The Price is Right while eating a decent breakfast of toast, yogurt, juice and an orange. Afterwards I actually started working on a frame. I took the nursery rhyme of little Bo Peep and did my rendition of it in a collage. I am not done yet... but I did do some art which makes me a bit happy.

I also wrote an e-mail to a design agency in Vancouver, saying that I would love to stop by one day for a tour, and I am also looking for an entry level position, even if it's answering phone calls or filing paperwork. We'll see what happens. To be honest I am terrified of getting an e-mail back from them saying that they don't have time and they have no positions.

Tomorrow my mom and I are going to North Vancouver so I can apply to Capilano College. I want to get in to the IDEA program so bad. I really need to get some creativity soon so I can make a killer portfolio.

My parents have decided to drive to Toronto and stay with my Grampa for a few months. He is such an amazing man. 89 years old and he lives by himself. He is losing his sight and hearing, which is very frustrating for him, so my parents are going to keep him company and give my Aunt Jane a bit of a break. They leave on Nov.1, and will be there probably until spring. It will be tough not to have them close by. Jarod and I will fly out probably the second week of December for an early Christmas, since that's the only time off from work he'll have. As for me, I really hope I don't find a good job that won't let me go.

Well, Audrey is still looking at me. I guess I should try and finish that frame.

1 comment:

Valerie said...

I LOVE audrey Hepburn!! I just bought a biography about her, have been trying to find a good one!! And finally did!! It's good!! Don't worry about the whole thing with Clipper!! Their loss!! Just keep applying, something will come up!! Good for you for registering at Cap college!! I hope the creative block disappears soon!!