Thursday, March 23, 2006

confused...

I am so confused about what I want to do with my life and it is driving me nuts! I thought I knew. I thought I had it all figured out... so why am I having second thoughts? I guess it's because I am just sick of being in school. It stresses me out so much which is not good for my depression. The past couple days have been sort of blurry. Monday I went to school from 9am-3:30pm, then came home and sat on my but watching TV until I went to bed. Tuesday I slept in really late (1pm) then got up and went to work for three hours. Then I went out with my mom to Talize (like value village) and we picked up a pizza from BP (Popeye, my fave). We sat around my house watching TV until 11pm when she went home, and I stayed up till 3:00am, when Jarod got home from work. Yesterday I woke up at 12:00pm and went to school from 1:30 till 3:00pm, then skipped my last class and came home. I slept from 4:15pm till 8:00pm when Jarod called to check up on me. Then I sat and watched TV till 2am when I went to sleep. Today I woke up at 2pm and went grocery shopping with Jarod, then came home and sat on my but some more before I worked on a scrapbook page. Then I watched more TV. Now it's nearly midnight and I have had yet another unsuccessful day. Tomorrow I have to teach a few classes at Michael's so I need to go, but I really don't feel like it. I actually never want to go back ever again, but that would be pretty silly of me. I have so much work to do for school that I don't even know where to start. I am starting to freak, which I know is why I'm depressed again. Why do I have to have this stupid illness? I don't even feel like myself 70% of the time. Jarod calls me every night and it's not to chat, it's to see what kind of mood I'm in so he knows if he has to worry about me or not. I can't imagine how much stress I put him under.
At least we get to go visit Gizmo on Sunday. I'm excited about that.

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