Tuesday, February 28, 2006

number one

Why is it so hard to write the first entry? This is just for myself. A way to let the crazy thoughts in my mind settle down and make some sense instead of racing all over my brain. God. This feels good. Just to sit. and write. and not care if my sentences are perfect or if I am offending anyone. This is just for me. I really should be sleeping right now. But I think that's the case for most bloggers. Even if I were to go and take my pills and do a sudoku puzzle and then turn out the light....I would just lie awake. The thoughts that live in my brain prefer to have parties at night. Especially when Jarod's not home, like tonight. It is so hard to sleep when he's at work. Especially now that Gator's gone. Jarod is my boyfriend. Gator was our dog. Gator was a strong pit bull and we had to give him away when he started to get aggressive to me. I miss him. That was over a month ago. Now we want to get a Boston terrier. We were going to get a girl, because I want a girl so she will be more "mine". But one of the two pregnant mommies miscarried. The other had two boys. We are going to get one of them, and then wait for another litter and get a girl too. Then we will have two sweet little puppies.
So the news about the miscarriage was upsetting and I was a bit depressed the other night. Then yesterday we were told by our landlords that we have two months to move out, because our house is getting torn down. Yippy. Moving again. We were planning on moving out in a while, to buy our own place. My parents are helping us with a down payment when they sell their house, which should be any time now. But now we are rushed to get a place. There's no point in moving in to another rental place for a little bit before we buy. Anyways, it happens that we have to be out like one week before we get our puppy, which is also the same time that Jarod has his vacation and we were going to go away.
Looks like I'm not having much trouble writing any more. Although I do feel guilty about complaining that I am getting a puppy, and a vacation and buying a house. Computers should have a smack button that makes a hand come out of the monitor and smack you in the face for being an idiot.
Writing does help. wow. I already feel calmer. It's good to spill this stuff out instead of it making laps in my brain and thinking about the same thing over and over.
I am worried about money though, to do all these great things. Dogs cost a lot, as do condos or townhouses. We will have to get a place in Surrey, which isn't the safest place in BC, but it's cheap.
I have to get up early tomorrow to go to school to work on an Intaglio project that is due tomorrow that I have procrastinated for a month and a half. And then tomorrow I get to make a Design project that's due the day after, that I've know about for two weeks. Only a month and a bit left of this and I'll have my Diploma. yes.
I'm going to go lie down now. Do some Sudoku.
All I want to do is sleep. Forever.

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